I have to dye my hair back to brown for medical school. It makes sense, considering I have to be versatile when it comes to interviewing for a job. I want to seem like I’m a good fit, no matter where I interview. But I really, really don’t want to go back to being a brunette. It sounds silly, and it’s 100% psychological, but I don’t like the me that had brown hair. I...
My dad is…living with one of the women he cheated on my mother with. Again. And he’s using her. He is very obviously using her for a place to live; he’s in a relationship with someone else. The woman he is living with thinks that he and the other lady are just friends. I don’t understand how he can keep doing this. I don’t understand how he can keep lying to people.
Mike tells me he has nightmares, of his old life, of the bad things he’s done… It’s not like it is a hard thing to miss when I have a sweating, trembling body next to me in bed that twitches when I touch him, or gruffly asks me if I’m alright when it’s really ME worried for him. But it’s really apparent on nights like this where his body sandwiches mine, curls over mine but not like someone who...
I think I’m starting to fall back a little… I keep thinking about the things my ex did to me, said to me. I can’t sleep. I hate myself. I feel sick. What’s wrong with me.
Dear divine being, Please let this Christmas go smoothly. As you now, I haven’t had a decent Christmas (or holiday in general) in the entirety of my life. Love, Me
No, Michael, I don’t want you to accept a job that has you go away for 8 months out of the year. No, that’s not okay with me.
Sometimes, I get what my friends and I call “the baby feels”…which always ends with a swift, metaphorical kick to the ovaries. But people are not helping today, flaunting their cute little babies all over the place. Make it stoppp
I have a manager at work who, to me, is an incredibly strong woman. I’ve seen her stand her ground against the most intolerable of customers (and believe me, male contractors that are hell bent on getting their way are not always the nicest to females of any age), defend her employees against other managers, and she has quite honestly given me some of the best emotional support ever. In the...
The one thing that I absolutely hate about being in a relationship, is that I can’t say that I don’t feel well, or that my stomach hurts without someone asking me if I need a pregnancy test. It’s like I can’t be sick unless I am sick with a baby. And it absolutely enrages me.
Not to make light of a serious situation but this is the most liberating hurricane ever, simply due to who shares a name with it. Such a stress reliever.
I have taken my battle with my old department manager (she has since been forced to step down) to the next level. I’ve done some sleuthing and it appears that the woman is still talking about both me and my personal life on work time…and now apparently on her free one as well on various different social media sites. She says that I’m a petty child, while she is a woman of class. Yeah. Ok. So, I...
Things I hate: When Mike tells me how he used to get phone numbers from girls. When Mike tells me how he used to flirt his way into free things. When Mike does. Stuff.
I miss my brother. I don’t know what I did to make him stop talking to me.
Cue the first big break down I’ve had about my grandparents, thank you Grey’s Anatomy. I know it sounds stupid, but in this past episode, they discussed “the surge”…which is where a terminally ill patient gets a second wind, and acts like they have made a full recovery before they ultimately pass on a week or so later. My grandfather experienced the surge. He lay in...
[[MORE]] I know I talk all the time about how much I dislike my father… but there is nothing that wounds me more than when he cries when he hears the sound of my voice. Do I act too mean sometimes? Am I too harsh? Whenever I seem to question that, he always manages to do something to disappoint me…but what could he possibly do now? He’s been hospitalized for almost a month from...
I received an unwelcome phone call at work last night. It was so nice and quiet without her. I told her to stop calling me before she started again. I wonder if this is just a preview of things to come.
[[MORE]] I keep having these absolutely horrible nightmares. At least every other day I wake up disoriented, with my entire body aching, and my heart pounding. Ever since a customer at work blatantly told me he wanted to fuck me (I believe the exact quote was “I ain’t never fucked a red head before, but you look pretty wild, baby”) and slightly invaded my personal space, I seem...
My dad is such a tool. I really can’t stand him or his guilt trips. They nauseate me.
Understanding a Shame-Based Personality
queensimia: onlinecounsellingcollege: There is a difference between blaming and shaming a person. Blaming is being told you did something wrong. Shaming is being told that there’s something wrong with you, and you’re worthless, bad, inferior or inadequate. Examples of shaming statements include: · “You were a mistake; I wish I’d never had you” · “You’re useless; you’ll never...
fleshscars: how do i uninstall anxiety
I have never been more angry at a book in my entire life. Correction. This will make the third time I have wanted to pitch the novel in my hands across the room, the first with a novel by another of my favorite authors and the second by the same author of the novel I finished today. While I know that it was an act of grief, the main male lead blamed his love interest for her own rape, her own...
“What do you see in her anyway? Do you think she’s pretty?” “I do actually; I think she is the most beautiful girl in the world.”
I love my fiance’ so much…but god damn it, does he piss me off! He can’t wrap his brain around the fact that I care about when he gets mad or upset, or that I get frustrated when his crazy ex calls and treats him like crap. It drives me absolutely crazy. I try to care, and what do I get? “It’s none of your business.” Hell, yes, it is my business! This directly...
Every time I watch my father manipulate people on facebook into feeling sorry for him, it takes all the strength and will power in my being to not reply in some sarcastic, demeaning way. He is not a saint. He is far from it. Where he is today, what his life is today, was his choice. I’m just glad that I’m no longer naive enough to be completely blind to it. Now, I just have to work on...
personalteatime: Letter ~ From the Lost Days -...
charlie-lei: The Pierces - Secret
So, Mike’s kids are going to come to my house tomorrow. All three of them. All day. I know that this is something that I was going to have to do or get even get used to, but the idea that it’s happening so soon after I just me them is kind of overwhelming. Maybe I’ll just take the baby and delve into something that I’m comfortable with; dealing with children under the age...
“I have loved you since the first time I saw you. You are everything I want, perfect. And that’s why I waited for you for two years. That’s why I waited.”
Since my grandfather passed away, I’ve noticed incredible personality changes throughout my entire family. I’d like to hope that it is merely their coping methods…and not their true colors emerging. My family has never been perfect, but then again, no family really is. We fight and have our issues, but in the end, we always come together and love each other. We always had each...
It’s been awhile. A very long while. I guess I got swept up in the need to work, to make money, and to try and salvage a social life. I’m still trying to work on the latter…but with this crazy hour cut at work, I might be a bit more successful. They’ve taken all of the part time workers from 35hrs down to 15 or 20. That, unfortunately, includes me…so, I have to take...
Here are the things that I love about my fiance. I love taking random drives, to random places, and doing random things. Like, today, after we clean the bedroom (“we need to clean under the bed, Amanda.” “..Ehehe..” “What?” “It’s like a black hole.”) we’re going to a comic book store that he only drove past. It’s always an...
This morning at 12:30am, I filed for my peace order against my boyfriend’s ex. I have court on Monday and then tentatively on Friday. I know that the situation isn’t over, but at least it’s something.
I am becoming incredibly exhausted with dealing with the ex situation and the work situation. I just want to be happy. Is that too much to ask?
I think it’s time for a little story, a little lesson, on love. You can’t control it. You can’t control who you love, or how much you love them, or who you have a connection with. You can’t. What matters most is if you are happy. You, you, you. A few days ago, my boyfriend proposed to me. I was shocked and surprised, but I did say yes. Our relationship has been in the...
The combination of candles I have burning in my bedroom right now are making the most beautiful scent. It smells just like my grandmother’s soap. It makes me think of when I was little and would take baths in the giant, cast iron, claw-footed bathtub in the bathroom, with bubbles foaming over the sides. She would sit beside the tub, and we’d play with Polly Pockets, the old ones, the...
bottledfaerie: I hope I find a man who will love me like my grandfather loved my grandmother. 47 years of love, from the moment they met in high school. Four sons, and five grandchildren later, I watched as my grandfather kissed my grandmother’s forehead before he was escorted from the room so they could close her casket. He said, “you’re my girl”, and smiled through the tears.
meorocks: “Hear You Me” Jimmy Eat World
All funny business aside, I don’t think I’ve ever been happier in a relationship than I am in the one I’m in now. Is this what love feels like?
I hate asking my father to do anything for me. He just has a knack for making me feel like I’m not worth his time or effort, or for that matter, his gas money. Over the past few days, what I thought were allergies became tonsillitis. My tonsils are so swollen, it feels like I could almost swallow them. I can joke about it all I want, but today I could barely talk, and I was scared and...